Wife is terrified of pregnancy (early, rate, health, heal)
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I’m 38. Married & I don’t have a child nor do I want one.
Pain is part of it but also I want to work & travel & not have to worry about a child. Maybe it’s selfish IDC. I have a great life & we do whatever we want whenever we want.
Granted I have a teenage stepson but he is 17, he can take care of himself. I have zero interest in giving up my life the way it is now.
I’m happy. I don’t need a child to be happy, be a good person or have worth
She needs therapy. You could consider surrogacy, its a good choice for people who cant or wont get pregnant. And you need to decide if giving up a child is worth your marriage. You cant and shouldnt try and force her to have a baby but only you can decide if not having a child is worth your marriage. You want to have children. If you choose not to because she doesnt want to, make sure you dont hold it against her later in life.
Surrogacy is not that easy. Many states will not allow surrogacy contracts unless there is a medical need for one. Simply not wanting to have children is not usually an acceptable reason. It is usually more that the woman cannot get pregnant or that her or the baby’s health will be at risk. I know that is the case in my home state and in my current state.
Sounds as if your wife needs a good psychologist. If I said she needs a good psychiatrist, she might freak out.
She sounds as if she may be a little eccentric. I would think she may have other phobias that may affect your relationship. To not take care of one's self, including medically, is just not normal. And that requires taking shots and not going off the deep end mentally.
I have known several women who said the main reason they never had children was their fear of pain and the general effects of pregnancy on the body. I don’t think it is that uncommon. As my sister-in-law has always said, “those people who tell you that you forget the pain of childbirth the minute you hold your babies are*#@& liars. You never forget that pain!” I don’t know if that is true but c’mon, if you have a strong aversion to physical discomfort, childbirth is no walk in the park.
Surrogacy is not that easy. Many states will not allow surrogacy contracts unless there is a medical need for one. Simply not wanting to have children is not usually an acceptable reason. It is usually more that the woman cannot get pregnant or that her or the baby’s health will be at risk. I know that is the case in my home state and in my current state.
OP seems to be from Illinois which has very user friendly surrogacy laws.
I would recommend therapy, and really evaluate if pregnancy and having a child is something in your future because as others above have mentioned that if she freaked out over one injection for a whole day there is a lot of testing done during pregnancy especially at her age.
I also agree maybe talking about getting a surrogate, where the child would be 100% yours. I wish you the best of luck
I can understand why some women might be reluctant to have children because of the physical pain aspect.
It sounds like she has some other concerns going on and agree with having her talk with someone she is comfortable with.
To be honest, it does hurt but not as bad as passing a kidney stone. I was scared of having a kid but mostly scared I would screw up the kid, not be a good parent, or I would not like my life after having the kid.
Having a child is a big deal and it's not a simple decision.
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